Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language

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Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language

February 11, 2020

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, it’s only appropriate that this newsletter comes to you with an emphasis on love. However, we’re not talking about chocolates and roses or fancy dinners and gifts, we’re focusing on understanding your partner’s love language. Understanding what makes your partner “tick” is key in being able to provide what he or she wants or, better yet, NEEDS in your relationship

Are you curious to learn which love language speaks to you or your partner? Below, you will find the 5 love languages explained. 

The 5 Love Languages and What They Mean

  • Words of Affirmation

This love language expresses your love with spoken words. These words of praise brighten spirits, increase confidence and make your partner feel acknowledged and appreciated.

“You look incredible in that outfit!”

“I am so proud of you.”

“I really appreciate your hard work around the house.”

If this is your partner’s love language, words have great meaning. That being said, negative or insulting comments can hurt them the most. Be mindful of your words and the impact they can have on your partner. 

  • Acts of Service

Have you ever heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words”? If this is your partner’s motto, there’s a good chance that this is their love language.

This love language is expressed by doing chores, running errands or by completing any task that is normally on your partner’s plate. Some ideas could include – making dinner, picking the kids up from practice or giving your partner a foot massage. 

In order for your partner to feel the love from these acts, they must come from a place of love. Accomplish these tasks with a gracious attitude, keeping your partner’s happiness in mind, and these acts of services will be met with great appreciation. 

  • Receiving Gifts

This may seem like the most straight forward love language to you, but don’t mistake this language for materialism. A gift, big or small, should be reinforced with love, thought and effort.

“A gift is only a gift when given as a general expression of love, not as an effort to cover over past failures.” – Gary Chapman

Need a helpful reminder when communicating this love language? “Don’t break the bank when filling your partner’s love tank!” Think creatively! If you know that your partner has had a rough week, pick up a pint of their favorite ice cream. If he or she accomplished something great at work, get a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Most importantly, do something just because – surprise them with a card to remind them of how much you love them. 

  • Quality Time

This love language means giving your partner your UNDIVIDED attention. With the never-ending distractions of social media, the stress of work and everything in between, it can be so easy for you and your partner to just go through the motions of everyday life.

If this is your partner’s love language, they need to know that they will have uninterrupted time with you, regularly. This could include scheduled date nights without the kids, implementing a “no electronics rule” during family meals or, simply, setting aside time each week to binge watch your favorite Netflix show together. 

Being present with your partner is the most important component to this love language. If you are distracted during your time with your partner, it can be extremely hurtful. Make it known that they are more important to you than anything else going on! 

  • Physical Touch

We are not just talking about sex here, people! What we are talking about is intimacy. This love language could be expressed, simply, as holding your partner’s hand, giving them a hug or offering them a back rub.

Nonsexual touch can be as, or more, meaningful to someone who speaks this love language as the words “I love you.” These gestures can provide a non-verbal connection that only you and your partner understand. These could include – resting your hand on your partner’s leg while watching T.V., a gentle hand squeeze while at dinner with your friends or placing your hand on their back while in a group conversation at a party. 

Don’t underestimate the power of your touch! These small acts could be the difference between an empty and full “love tank” for your partner!

Hopefully, this sheds some light on not only your love language, but your partner’s, as well. There can certainly be some overlap between languages, and you may still be wondering what your primary language is. Please take a moment and follow the link below to complete the Love Language Quiz. Once you’re done, pass it on to your partner. Share your findings with each other and start your journey to FLUENTLY speaking your partner’s love language.


Understand love language graphic when needing couples counseling with therapist in Willowbrook.

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